A Matter of Honour
by Xandrabelle
Summary: What if Subaru gets what he wants following Tokyo Babylon - Seishirou. So why is he still so unhappy?
1. Chapter 1

Sumeragi Subaru paused before a large brown door. His hand fell away from the handle, as he took a moment to gather what little courage he had before going in, for he knew he would find a confrontation behind the entrance. Subaru sighed, he should be used to this by now, yet he was still disturbed. Quietly he entered, calling a soft 'I'm home' into the house. The silence hung as fragile as an armistice, waiting to be broken by the first salvo from a trigger-happy soldier. He toed off his shoes, walked into the living room, and stood, mutely waiting for a response.

It was not long in coming. Sakurazuka Seishirou was sitting on an armchair, calmly smoking a cigarette. A quick glance at the ashtray by him showed it wasn't his first. "You're back," Seishirou nodded slightly, acknowledging his presence. He inhaled yet another lungful of smoke and blew it out. A pregnant pause dragged out for a while before he continued, "I suppose you didn't think I would be concerned?"

Subaru stood there, feeling guilty. With that one sentence, Seishirou demolished any hope Subaru had of clinging to any shred of dignity. Crossing over to the armchair, Subaru knelt by Seishirou's knees, and leaned his cheek against a lap in apology. It wasn't that the Sumeragi expected this supplicant position to make any difference, but old habits were hard to break and Subaru had, if nothing else, a tenacity to cling to what was familiar. "I'm sorry, the events of last night rather overwhelmed me," he said softly.

Seishirou reached over to the ashtray and carefully stubbed his cigarette out. A gentle hand began to stroke at Subaru's hair, pushing stray strands from his brow. "So you stayed the night by your Kamui-- I can smell his scent on you." Seishirou said dryly.

Subaru supposed Seishirou probably could smell Kamui, since the boy had been bleeding copiously prior to Subaru spending the night beside him. Seishirou's sensitivity to blood was characteristic of the predator in him. Unlike normal people, the scent of blood made him interested. Seishirou's voice was perfectly emotionless, neither hurt nor condemning, but Subaru knew better. His lover was not happy with him. Subaru shifted uncomfortably, trying to think of a way to explain without bringing up the subject he was most certain Seishirou did not want to hear. "He went Within, and I had to perform a spell to bring him back. The backlash was a little stronger than I had expected," he said.

Seishirou leaned forward to lightly kiss Subaru's forehead. "You're always so very kind, Subaru-kun," he said, repeating the oft spoken refrain.

A tiny tingle crept up Subaru's back at the gentle caress. After all these years together, he was amazed that Seishirou could read him like an open book in some matters, while remaining oblivious in others. Or perhaps not oblivious, merely purposefully ignorant. Subaru flushed a little, not wishing to reveal the fact that he had spent the night being held in Kamui's arms, and waking up rather liking it. The other Seals had explained that they left him there because Kamui seemed to take comfort in holding him. They said the poor boy had needed someone to embrace, especially after losing his two dearest people. They were so apologetic, Subaru almost laughed at them. He didn't because they wouldn't understand that Subaru had liked it, and so was now guiltstricken over it. It had made a big difference waking up this morning in the arms of someone who was not going to hurt him.

Seishirou's finger tilted Subaru's chin up so their eyes met. He regarded the guilty tinge on Subaru's cheeks lazily. The younger man hadn't blushed like this in a long time. "You did more than perform a spell to bring him back," he stated. "You told him about us."

Subaru shrugged. Seishirou was completely aware of everything concerning him. Nothing unusual in that. The years had evidently not blunted his habit of keeping tabs on Subaru whenever he worked his magic. "I did. He knows about Hokuto-chan and that you killed her. He thinks I love you, despite it," Subaru said.

An amused laugh reverberated from deep within Seishirou. "How ironic," he commented bitterly. Subaru's answering silence spoke volumes. The two remained poised in their respective positions, regarding each other. Subaru's eyes fell away to study the geometric pattern on the wooden floor.

It was Seishirou who broke first. "I met the Kamui of the Dragons of Earth this afternoon," he said matter-of-factly.

So, events were progressing more rapidly than Subaru had ever expected. The Foreordained day was at hand. Subaru's curiosity prompted him to ask, "What is he like?"

Seishirou reclined back into his chair, a faraway look on his face. "Cold. And hot. Control and passion," Seishirou said tersely as he contemplated Fuuma. "He's interesting," he concluded. Seishirou turned towards Subaru, a gleam in his eyes as he studied the younger onmyouji's reaction. "Are you jealous?"

A sudden flare of pain ignited in Subaru's chest. His first response would have been of denial, but Seishirou's eye demanded more from him. Heaving an inward sigh, he replied, "The truth? Yes, a little."

Seishirou laughed a pleased chuckle. "I'm glad. But I think I shall be meeting him quite often," he said provocatively.

"Suit yourself. You always do anyway," Subaru shrugged in reply.

"Yes," Seishirou said, "So, do you plan to see your Kamui more often?"

"Perhaps. Do you want me not to?"

"What if I were to say yes?" Seishirou actually sounded interested.

"I won't make any promises." Subaru braced himself for an explosion, but the reaction he received made him wish he got it.

Seishirou let out another amused chuckle. "You've always kept your promises. That's all you have now, right?"

"I made a promise to you and I'll keep it. I shall not be unfaithful to you," Subaru said, trying to keep the regret from flooding his voice.

"You've always been such a gentle, honourable person," Seishirou said cuttingly, reaching out to play with Subaru's hair again. "I wonder what Hokuto-chan will think of you now?"

Subaru gasped, his hurt surfacing again. Seishirou didn't play fair. He knew Subaru had always taken Hokuto's lead. Any reference to her always left him feeling bereft of her presence. Then there was the guilt, the heavy burden which Subaru bore every day over his situation; that he was sleeping with the enemy. However, Subaru wasn't up to fighting over such old issues today, and didn't rise to the bait. It was only fair. He knew he was doing something that displeased Seishirou and he shouldn't complain when Seishirou repaid him back.

Seishirou leaned forward and murmured into his ear. "So you want to be by your Kamui's side? Nothing you can say will help him. The two 'Kamui' are in far sadder situation than the both of us," Seishirou taunted, his hand sliding down to play idly at the hair behind Subaru's neck.

Subaru continued to stare steadily at the floor, as if trying to see the answer to the secrets of the universe in the grain of the wood panel. Seishirou was right. What did he know about solving people's problems? How could he help Kamui do the right thing? He could barely help himself. All the choices he had ever chosen in his life had been the wrong ones. His track record wasn't good and he was now bound by his choices, no matter how much he longed for the past to have been different. He fervently hoped Kamui's choices would give him a better future than his own.

Still, that was a prayer for the future. Subaru was brought abruptly back to the present when Seishirou stood up, pulling him along with him. He staggered slightly when the dark onmyouji pressed a hot wet kiss on his lips. A hand pressed insistently at his chin. Obediently Subaru closed his eyes and parted his mouth to accept Seishirou, once again surrendering to the fire that burned so brightly within the older man.

"You want this," Seishirou said a little triumphantly when they broke apart. He eyed the softly panting Dragon of Heaven, and his hand crept down to tease at his arousal through his clothes.

Subaru supposed it was all a matter of ingrained responses. His body reacted just as it ought to Seishirou, having been trained to enjoy all that Seishirou made him feel. There was something to be said for having Seishirou as a lover, the man was very good at what he did. Eight years together had not dimmed his ardor for Subaru. He wriggled a little. A morbid curiosity came over Subaru, prompting him to ask, "Why do you still want this?"

Seishirou's single golden gaze pinned Subaru in place. "Because you're still beautiful, and I like beautiful things. Besides you're mine," he replied with a smile that held the edge of hard steel. At that, Seishirou bent down and nuzzled along the back of his ear, before pressing sharp teeth into the flesh of an ear lobe.

Subaru uttered a harsh gasp at the slight pain. If he had been a swearing man, Subaru would have sworn. Seishirou knew he was particularly sensitive there. A hand slid down his back, warm and caressing, holding him tightly against his partner's body. He allowed Seishirou to do what he willed, tilting his head back to offer his neck to his lover's caress. This was yet another display of Subaru's submission, that sex was yet another means for Seishirou to enjoy his possession of him.

It usually came down to this. If Subaru wasn't feeling hurt or guilty, he was being pleasured. Seishirou was a demanding lover, and in all their years together, Subaru had learned enough to anticipate him. Sometimes he wanted an innocent, almost virginal partner and Subaru had to role-play it for him. Other times, Seishirou wanted him aggressive, though these days, that desire didn't surface much. Subaru was glad for that. He couldn't summon enough energy to be very aggressive lately. It probably had something to do with his gradually changing feelings. Tonight, it seemed Seishirou would be content with a submissive Subaru.

Subaru let himself be tugged into their bedroom. There, Seishirou stood back, and waited. Subaru understood the silent order. Slowly, he began unbuttoning the collar of his shirt, baring his chest to Seishirou's gaze. He didn't remove it, instead letting it hang open, as his hands lowered to his waist to remove his belt, then his pants. Those items were swiftly discarded to a corner. Stepping forward, he turned his attentions to Seishirou's clothes. They soon joined the pile on the floor. Subaru looked up at Seishirou, his mouth half parted in invitation.

Seishirou was swift in accepting the offer. The kiss was hungry, as if by claiming Subaru, he was able to lay all the niggling doubts he had to rest. Seishirou's tongue probed at him forcefully, demanding a response from Subaru that only he could give. And Subaru gave it; for this was something he could do, now as his options for what he could give Seishirou grew narrower and narrower.

Heat began to envelop Subaru. Seishirou always tasted like this, of warm sweet liquor, intoxicating even in small amounts. It made Subaru lose control, to forget everything but the act, even if all that was engaged was his body, and his mind took a vacation elsewhere.

A pleased chuckle sounded from Seishirou. It made Subaru frown. He was unhappy to be an object of amusement. "Stop that," he snapped.

"You look so untouchable all the time, and only I know just how easily you become aroused," Seishirou murmured, lifting a slim wrist up to press a little feathery kiss against Subaru's pulse.

Subaru pliantly allowed Seishirou to progress kissing along his wrist, up the back of his hand. He couldn't prevent himself from involuntarily biting his lip when a surge of familiar magic triggered Seishirou's marks to appear. The inverted pentagram would always brand him as Seishirou's, and the amused way Seishirou was studying them, showed how much he enjoyed reminding Subaru of that fact.

Yes, this was right, Subaru firmly told himself. His place was by Seishirou's side. He had so chosen, and for better or worse, he would hold to this promise. Subaru quickly followed Seishirou onto the bed, sliding in beside him. Briefly, he indulged in a hug, placing all his fantasy for a normal healthy relationship into it. It was quickly shattered when Seishirou pushed him hard on his back, holding wrists tightly down. Subaru knew he was likely to see a ring of bruises tomorrow.

Seishirou's eye followed the momentary flicker in Subaru's gaze towards the bedposts and grinned at him, knowing full well what the smaller man was thinking. Subaru shook his head, saying, "No, Seishirou-san."

Seishirou studied him seriously. "And why should I care what you want or not?"

Seishirou had often tied him up, and he had always let him. So why did Subaru feel the need to press the point today? "No, you don't need to care. But I'm not going to leave you anyway," he said calmly, accepting whatever Seishirou wanted.

The words appeared to have an effect on Seishirou, for he let Subaru's wrists go. "Not today perhaps, but there will come a day when we will part." His tone was almost resigned.

Subaru suppressed a shiver. That was a prospect he wasn't ready to face yet. He laid there, chest heaving, enduring Seishirou's piercing stare. Then suddenly, the man's weight was off him. Subaru couldn't stop himself from feeling a momentary pang of disappointment when Seishirou rolled away from him. Unsure about what the other was thinking, he sat up to examine him. Seishirou's expression was closed, but years of living with the man, allowed Subaru to conclude he was troubled. He sighed; an unhappy Seishirou could make life very difficult for him. Coming to a decision, Subaru edged back over, resting his hand tentatively on his shoulder in a peace gesture.

Seishirou didn't react beyond giving him his attention, content to see where Subaru was going next. Never let it be said that he had to force Subaru into doing anything he didn't want to. If there was one thing the Sumeragi was, he was tenacious. After all, he had managed to convince him to let him stay all those years ago, and had oddly enough, stuck to his decision despite all that they had both gone through.

Subaru began to nuzzle at Seishirou's chest, planting wet kisses down his front, and taking an extra bit of time to work at his nipples. Subaru smiled in triumph when he heard the slight hitch in Seishirou's breath while he gently sucked and pulled at the sensitive flesh. The Sakurazukamori though didn't react beyond that, so Subaru progressed down.

Settling himself more comfortably between Seishirou's legs, he placed a gentle hand on Seishirou's member. Running a finger from the base to the tip, Subaru wondered about how physically vulnerable Seishirou was to him in this position. The thought filled him with a surge of empowerment, although he knew the other man was fully aware Subaru would never strike at him in this way. No, Subaru knew other ways of hurting his lover instead-- all of them, unintentional. He could see the comprehension in Seishirou's eyes as he bent down and took him into his mouth.

Subaru could hear Seishirou's breathing growing harsher as he teased and sucked at him. He wondered if Seishirou would be content with simply Subaru doing this, or if he wanted more tonight. He felt Seishirou's hips arching up and he forced himself to relax his throat to take him fully. He remembered the first time he did this, and how embarrassed he was. Then, Seishirou had been a gentle guide, directing him on how best to pleasure him in his low laughing voice. That same voice which Subaru had fallen in love with, that he now cringed to hear cutting words from.

Apparently, Seishirou wanted more. Subaru felt him tug him back up. A quick flip and Subaru was placed on his back, Seishirou's mouth moving over his. He allowed the kiss, twining his tongue around Seishirou's willingly, feeling himself grow more aroused despite himself. Again, that low laughter brought Subaru's desire-hazed eyes to meet Seishirou's.

"As long as I see that look in your eyes..." Seishirou whispered at him. He left the sentence incomplete, knowing that Subaru would be able to fill in the remainder.

_I will stay by your side, _Subaru silently finished.

He pulled Seishirou to him to kiss him, closing his eyes to prevent the despair in them from showing. He felt Seishirou prepare him with slicked fingers but he kept his eyes tightly shut, just letting himself enjoy the soft caresses. He felt Seishirou position himself and that low voice sounded in his ears again.

"Is it so hard for you to look at me?"

Subaru reopened his eyes in time to see a fleeting flicker of sorrow pass on Seishirou's face. He didn't know if the cry he made was due to his regret at seeing that expression or from the sensation of Seishirou entering him. Then all thoughts were forgotten as Seishirou began to move. Subaru held onto him, running his hands across Seishirou's skin, reveling in the fact that he was able to touch him. Even though he'd not worn his gloves for eight years, the memory of being cut off from his sense of touch remained with him, enough to allow him to appreciate the soft slick feel of Seishirou's skin.

Seishirou brought his hand down to take Subaru's shaft, to pump it in time with his thrusts. His pace was at first maddeningly slow, before he abruptly changed and began to thrust rapidly at him, prompting Subaru to lose himself in a rising spiral of pleasure. However, just as he thought he couldn't hold out anymore, Seishirou slowed down again. Subaru began to moan with need, this teasing was driving him wild. He arched and bucked against Seishirou, trying desperately to seek his release. "I need you, Seishirou," Subaru said, his voice raw with urgency.

Seishirou's hands came up to frame Subaru's face, holding him in place as he kissed him savagely. "And I want you," he answered. The desire showed clearly in his eyes sending a pleasurable shiver through Subaru. Seishirou's thrusts increased in speed and it was enough for him to loose himself in the ecstasy of his climax. Vaguely he felt Seishirou following in his pleasure, a sharp pain radiating from his shoulder as Seishirou bit down on him, prompting him to tighten around him.

*

Some time later, Subaru laid on the bed, listening to the even breaths of his partner as he slowly drifted off into sleep. Around his head the lines of an old English poem circled.

_But I have promises to keep,_

_and miles to go before I sleep,_

_and miles to go before I sleep._

Subaru turned his face into the pillow, trying to stop a tear from falling from his eye. He quickly brushed the back of his hand against it, to dash it away. This was his burden. Seishirou wouldn't understand and would definitely take it the wrong way. Mind-blowing as the sex was, his situation was unchanged. Sex wasn't love... and Subaru wondered where along the way had he stopped loving Seishirou.

Notes: What can I say, this is a very dark story. If you understand it, you understand it, if not... you can come ask me for an explanation. There's more if you want to read it, reviews are always welcome. This story wasn't really written in response to Aishuu's challenge to the CFFML for a Change in the Tapestry as I started it many months ago, but it fits. So erm, I'm posting it under that category. Oh yes, the poem that Subaru quotes at the end is Robert Frost's Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_8 years ago...._

The slight young man thrust his hands into the pockets of his trenchcoat and walked into the cold night air. He shivered slightly, even though the cold in the air couldn't come near to the glacier that was slowly encasing his heart. He was tall, not excessively so, well-formed and slender, and extremely pleasing to the eye.

Sumeragi Subaru paused on the sidewalk to dig out a cigarette. He fumbled slightly as he lit it, the gesture still not the practiced ease of a long time smoker.

"Don't you know that those are bad for you?" A dry comment sounded out behind him.

Subaru whirled around and swallowed. "Seishirou-san," he said, trying hard to keep the longing in his voice hidden. He must have failed. An amused smile spread across the Sakurazukamori's features.

The two stood facing each other; Subaru frozen by utter amazement of the situation, Seishirou for reasons unknown. Seishirou made the first move, breaking the moment. He nodded and turned to leave. No, Subaru couldn't allow it, not when he had just spent the last year searching for this one man. He darted forward and grabbed at Seishirou's hand, unheeding of any personal danger in doing so, for one did not surprise the Sakurazukamori this way, or at least very few did so, and lived. Indeed it was a near thing, for Seishirou snapped about and lifted a hand to strike at him, but stopped within inches of his face. Instead, he ran the back of his finger down Subaru's smooth cheek.

Subaru's heart leaped at the caress. Hope flared within him, that he would be able to resolve his issues finally. "I have been looking for you," he said solemnly, both his hands gripping Seishirou's tightly, as if afraid the man might vanish from before his eyes.

Seishirou quirked an eyebrow at him. "Whyever for?" His expression was still amused, and he made no attempt to remove his hand from Subaru's grasp.

Subaru remained immobile, fixed to the spot by the sheer volume of things that he needed to say to Seishirou. He had rehearsed his first meeting with Seishirou countless times in his mind, but now that the moment was at hand, he was left stupefied.

When he didn't reply, Seishirou pulled at his hand to walk away once more. Subaru tightened his fingers and held on, quickly forcing his voice to work. "I have so many things to say to you," he said, desperately.

"What makes you think I want to listen?"

The ironic reply cut Subaru to the quick. He shook his head to ignore the pain. "What do you want then, Seishirou-san?"

"I want many things, but it remains to see what any of them have to do with you," Seishirou said, unemotionally.

Each word lacerated into Subaru. He almost despaired, but no, at the last minute, he pulled himself from the brink and firmed his shoulders. He had been waiting for this opportunity too long to allow it to waste. He leaned in towards Seishirou, and as sensously as he could, said, "Why don't we talk about that then? But not here... someplace more quiet?"

Seishirou appeared further amused by Subaru's shy attempt to detain him in this manner. Silence reigned once again between them, as the ebb and flow of the rush hour crowd thinned around them. The two ignored it all and were ignored in turn, lost in their own world. Eventually Seishirou must have come to a decision, for he shrugged, and pulled his hand free. "Very well. May I suggest dinner at a nearby cafe then?" he said, nonchalantly.

Subaru was more than pleased to agree. He followed after Seishirou, bracing himself for what he needed to do now. This was proving more difficult than he had thought but at least the man hadn't run off nor attacked at the first sight of him, not that he didn't think an attack wouldn't be forthcoming later. However, he accepted it. If that was what Seishirou wanted, then that was what he would give the man.

After settling into their seats at a small quiet cafe and ordering, Seishirou sat back and removed his dark shades. He regarded Subaru silently. It seemed the next move was with him.

"Do you want to kill me?" Subaru asked boldly.

"Perhaps. Don't you want to kill me, I who killed your beloved sister?" Seishirou asked dryly. He sat there calmly, lifting a glass of water to his lips, as if discussing murder was something he did everyday. Possibly it was.

The mention of Hokuto caused Subaru to tense, but he forced himself to relax. It wasn't Seishirou's fault that Hokuto was dead. It was his own. A chorus of 'what ifs' ran through his mind, and all pointed to Subaru's own actions causing Hokuto's loss. This was something Subaru was convinced of. From Seishirou's question, Subaru knew the Sakurazukamori didn't understand how he viewed their past. That blind eye transfixed Subaru, and the guilty memory of the incident that saw him losing it flagellated at the Sumeragi. He signed, chosing not to answer Seishirou's question, throwing one of his own at him instead. "Why don't you kill me then?"

The hardness that filled Seishirou's eye sent a shiver down Subaru's spine. "Never think that I won't," he warned. "Yet, if I choose to do so, it shall be at the time of my choice, not yours."

Subaru nodded. He lifted his gaze to look intently at Seishirou. "Very well," he said meekly. "Until then, please keep me with you?" Subaru's surprising offer was clear.

Seishirou looked skeptical. "You don't know who I really am. All you want is the illusion."

"I know who you are," Subaru said. "You are the Sakurazukamori. You kill people. You killed Hokuto-chan and you will kill me. Knowing this, there is no need for you to be alone. I am yours in every way." His total acceptance shone in his green eyes, together with a fire that unknown to him, intrigued Seishirou.

"And you would stay with me even if it hurts the ones who care about you?" Seishirou's question was unrelenting.

"Even so."

Seishirou waved a hand dismissively. "You are only 17, what do you know about promises," he scoffed.

Subaru pulled himself up and fixed Seishirou with a level gaze. "On my honour as a Sumeragi, I promise to stay by your side, to be yours in every way, until such time as you choose to kill me or leave me." There, the words were said. They were just words, no magic was involved, but Subaru felt as if his soul had been bound with the weight of his promise. He was never more sure of anything else in his life.

Seishirou's mismatched eyes weighed Subaru assessingly. "So be it," he said, unemotionally, as if accepting such offers were not out of the ordinary for him. Yet, there was a certain something in his posture that betrayed him, that signalled a renewed interest in playing with his prey.

The rest of the meal progressed in silence. Subaru ate sparingly, content to sit in Seishirou's company. He could feel the Sakurazukamori's gaze on him, and wondered at what was to happen next. The thought filled him with anticipation. His life was no longer his own, and he waited for Seishirou to direct him where he would.

"Come," Seishirou said, holding out his hand to Subaru when they were both done. He had merely raised his eyebrow at Subaru's scanty appetite, but didn't comment on it. It brought home to Subaru the stark difference from the days when Seishirou was pretending to be the kind veternarian. Yes, Subaru told himself, Seishirou no longer needed to pretend.

Subaru slipped his hand shyly into his and allowed him to lead him on. Seishirou's grip was firm but gentle. He didn't have to worry about Subaru leaving him after all, it was more the other way around.

Now that the bargain was sealed, Seishirou seemed almost kind. He paused before a car, opening the passenger door and holding it out for him. "What? How did you think I travelled around?" he said with a chuckle at Subaru's astonished expression.

That comment brought Subaru fully into reality. The Sakurazukamori wasn't just a mythical assassin, he was also a person who lived among others. He needed food, a roof over his head and all the other mundane things that normal people needed. Certainly he didn't care about them as other people did, but he still needed them. Subaru realized he had been idealizing the Sakurazukamori's life. He couldn't possibly be hanging around Sakura trees all the time. Subaru wondered how it would be to see the man in his home, and if he could ever be relaxed enough around Subaru.

It wasn't long before he found out. When Seishirou waved Subaru into a spacious apartment, Subaru couldn't help asking, "Is this where you live now?"

"This is one of the places where I live," he replied vaguely, while taking their coats and hanging them neatly by the door.

Subaru continued to gaze about. The place was spartan, and wouldn't have been remarkable for a single bachelor, save it was neater than normal. Only some bits of clutter-- magazines, junk mail on a side table-- signalled that someone actually lived here. Warm hands placed on his shoulders sharply reminded him once more of his companion behind him.

"Do you truly mean to stay?" A slight note of something tinged Seishirou's query. Subaru was too inexperienced to understand it. He turned around to face Seishirou.

"I meant it when I made that promise," Subaru said doggedly.

"Yet, you cannot come with me when I do my job," Seishirou pointed out.

Subaru nodded. He didn't want to think too deeply about how he was going to handle that aspect of their lives, but he did mean it when he said he accepted that Seishirou was a killer. That comprehension must have been evident in his eyes, because Seishirou made a small sound of satisfaction. "Do you wish me to give up mine?" Subaru inquired. He knew that would get him into a great deal of trouble with the Sumeragi clan, but if that was what Seishirou wanted, then he would do it, regardless of their opposition. His life was in Seishirou's hands.

Seishirou pondered it and shrugged. "It doesn't matter to me. You can do as you like, you seem to be doing very well in that regard," he said dryly, in reference to Subaru's determination to remain with him. Seishirou reached up a hand and began to play with the hair on the back of his head. "You cut your hair. Why?"

The caress sent pleasurable shivers down Subaru's spine. How long had it been since he was touched by another human hand? Plus this was Seishirou, his most special person. Truthfully, Subaru answered, "I didn't want to look like Hokuto anymore."

Now some might be dismayed to have the name of a person who they'd killed brought up, but Seishirou wasn't one to be so bothered. He chuckled fondly as he recalled her. "I'd never mistake you for her," he purred to Subaru, a finger coming around to tip his chin up to look at him.

Naive Subaru might be, he was still able to identify the desire in Seishirou's eye. Seishirou however, did nothing more, seeming content merely to gaze at him. Again the next move was Subaru's.

Somehow, Subaru found himself tipping up on his toes and pressing a soft kiss to Seishirou's mouth. The act surprised both protagonists of the kiss, though Seishirou covered up his astonishment with a pleased chuckle. "I see, Subaru-kun, that you have grown bolder in the time that we've been apart," he remarked.

"There are a lot of things about me that you don't know about," Subaru challenged.

"So it seems," Seishirou said thoughtfully. "I shall just have to discover them, now, won't I?" That said, Seishirou plunged his mouth down to claim Subaru's. This time, the kiss was far different. His tongue pressed insistently against Subaru's lips, forcing them open. The ensuing kiss was like nothing Subaru had ever experienced. Seishirou's tongue probed deep into his mouth, invoking sensations that sent his nerve endings tingling.

It was a while before Subaru realized the kiss was over. Gasping for breath slightly, he quickly gathered his scattered composure. "It seems I still have a good deal to learn," he remarked, trying to keep his voice steady.

"Do you think I am a good teacher?" Seishirou asked, for once sounding almost interested.

Subaru carefully considered the question. He could sense the underlying implications in it. Seishirou wasn't just asking about his abilities as a teacher-- it was what he had to teach and what Subaru had to learn that was at stake. With as much confidence as he could muster, Subaru said, "I really can't say. I shall have to see how you instruct me for a little longer, before I can give you an answer."

The reply brought an actual laugh from deep within Seishirou. "Well then, let me see how I can _instruct_ you," he said, his eyes half-hooded with anticipation. He swooped down, once again seeking his mouth.

The following kiss demonstrated clearly just how inexperienced Subaru was. To Subaru's knowledge, kisses were meant to be sweet-- a peck on the cheek or the forehead, a display of love and affection. This was neither. There was lust and possession, and the Sumeragi was left helpless in response. And there was a response, for Subaru could not prevent himself from showing his desire for Seishirou.

Subaru's hands crept around Seishirou's neck as he began to kiss him back hungrily. He ran his fingers through that silky hair, enjoying the texture. He had been deprived of his sense of touch for too long. He had never been able to touch anyone, even during his year with Seishirou, he had never allowed the man to see him without his gloves. Not even Hokuto had seen him without his so-called protection. Ironically, Subaru failed to connect that the reason for his deprivation was the person now thoroughly kissing him breathless.

Seishirou had noticed Subaru's gesture. His own hands had come around Subaru and were cupped about his rear. "Ah, you no longer wear your gloves," Seishirou remarked, irritatingly calm.

"There is no need for me to. I never liked them," Subaru said, wrinkling his nose in distaste for them. Left unsaid was that the last pair Subaru had worn, Seishirou had ripped them from him in a terrifying encounter in the maboroshi.

"I would have liked to see you take them off for me, among other things," Seishirou said smugly.

Subaru's breath caught at Seishirou's comment. The kissing, all their foreplay was leading up to the inevitable, and Seishirou's sly words reminded Subaru that the point of no return was fast approaching. In fact, Subaru knew he could leave and the Sakurazukamori would let him and the next time they met would be at the hour of his death. The terrible prospect of being alone all during that lingering wait, until the end, was enough to prompt him to action. He pressed himself even closer to Seishirou. "If you want me to wear them for you, I would. I would do anything that you want," he declared as seductively as he was able.

"I might just hold you to that promise," Seishirou purred and ground his pelvis against Subaru in silent exhibition of his intentions.

Subaru's green eyes remained steady. He was not going to change his mind. He had long ago concluded that Seishirou was the one he cared most about, the one he didn't want to hate him. Whatever the consequences, he was ready to accept them. He stepped away and held his bare hand out to Seishirou. "I'm ready."

Seishirou took Subaru's hand, lifting it up to kiss its back, in a gentlemanly fashion. Written clearly in his expression was the warning that all he needed to do would be to exert a bit of strength and the wrist would snap. Indeed, for a split second, Subaru thought he would do just that, but instead Seishirou took one of his fingers into his mouth and began to suck at it blatantly.

A shiver of pleasure ran through Subaru. The constant sense of danger married with sensuality that surrounded the Sakurazukamori directly translated into arousal for him. Fleetingly, Subaru wondered if he was turning into a masochist. He wasn't sure. How could one feel anything else when with the Sakurazukamori?

Seishirou must have seen the conflict between fear and desire on the Sumeragi's expression. "This is only the beginning of the lesson, Subaru-kun. Are you certain you're up to the entire course?" he asked smugly.

"Yes," Subaru replied, his emerald gaze never wavering.

The agreement given, Seishirou led him through a door, into what was obviously his bedroom. He released his hand. "Take off your clothes."

Subaru was taken aback by the sudden command. Then, he nodded. If this was a test of sorts, he would not fail. He began to undo the buttons of his shirt, allowing it to fall fluttering to the floor. He looked back up to see Seishirou's intense scrutiny. Enough of the youth who had once been so shy remained within him, and a pinkish tinge began to flood his cheeks.

Seishirou's chuckle unnerved him even more. "Did you think what we're about to do can be done without the removal of clothes? You are so cute," Seishirou's mocking voice taunted him.

"No one has ever seen me this way," he said defiantly. Stung, he quickly slipped out of his pants and underwear, to stand before Seishirou, fully exposed, covered only by a pink blush.

"I should be glad of the privilege then," Seishirou replied. He took Subaru into his arms and began to kiss him once more.

Subaru surrendered to the caress with an eagerness that surprised himself. Seishirou's tongue stroking in his mouth, his hands sliding down his back, to press against the smooth globes of his rear, pushing him up against the fabric of his shirt and pants, all rough friction against bare skin -- it was all so very intoxicating.

Made bold by the thought that he had very little reason left to be shy, he curled his arms around Seishirou's neck, running his hands through that soft hair in a gesture that he had secretly craved to do for a long time. He clung to Seishirou like a barnacle to the hard steel of a warship, standing on tip-toes, for he was still a good bit shorter despite starting on his growth spurt.

Subaru was so engrossed in the dizzying kiss that it barely registered when he was whirled around and pushed down onto the bed. He did notice when Seishirou pulled away, a cool draft lightly brushing against his heated skin. Opening his eyes, he saw Seishirou removing his own clothes with a speed that astonished him. He barely had a glimpse of naked skin before Seishirou was back, pressing down upon him.

Subaru's wrists were gripped and anchored to the sheets against his sides, in a gesture of pure possession. The amused smile on Seishirou's mouth never changed as he bent and kissed down the curve of Subaru's neck, pausing to lap at the hollow of his collarbone. "You're too thin," Seishirou commented before progressing down, down, down to the little upraised peak of his nipple. He drew one into his mouth and began to lick it, wringing a strangled gasp from Subaru.

"Does that feel good?"

Subaru dimly heard the question, breathed against his chest. "Yes," he whispered.

Seishirou laughed. "It'll feel good but it'll also hurt, just so you know," he informed him in tones that displayed his unconcern.

"I know," Subaru answered. He did know what he was letting himself in for. His lost innocence was more than just the shattering of his illusions about the man he loved. In the year since he set on his course, he had done what he could to learn about the physical act of love and he had learnt a lot. Sadly, he wasn't sure what Hokuto-chan would have thought of his dedication.

Seishirou nodded at him, and proceeded to plant light feathery kisses around Subaru's navel, moving even further down towards his most intimate place, which was rapidly starting to ache with need.

Light fingers traced circles around the area, carefully teasing but never quite touching just where Subaru wanted. His hips were slowly moving up, seeking Seishirou's touch, though he knew it would make no difference if Seishirou wanted to torment him further.

Silence fell upon the room, broken only by the faint rasp of Subaru's breath speeding up. Curiosity fixes his gaze on Seishirou's movements, who was in turn concentrating on running his fingers all over every inch of Subaru's groin area, save the most sensitive part.

"Please..." Subaru was unable to stop himself from finally making the plea. He didn't think he could bear another moment of this teasing.

"Yes, Subaru-kun? Am I pleasing you?" Seishirou asked.

Subaru nodded vigorously. "Please touch me," he asked in a strained voice. His hips once again moved up towards those tantalizing fingers.

"All you had to do was ask," Seishirou said, with an annoying grin. Subaru didn't have time to reflect on his irritation when Seishirou granted his request. Firm fingers wrapped around his sex and pumped it, sending throbs of delight shooting up his spine. Subaru groaned with pleasure of it.

What happened next was better than anything he'd ever anticipated. Seishirou's fingers moved away and suddenly something hot and wet was encircling the head of his penis. Eyes flew open and there was the sight of Seishirou taking him into his mouth.

Subaru waited, all anticipation, but nothing happened. Long moments passed, and eventually Subaru was forced to ask, "Why aren't you doing anything?"

Seishirou removed his mouth from him long enough to echo, "Why are _you_ doing anything?"

Subaru made a small nerveless whimper before he thrust his hips up. The sensation of his length sliding into Seishirou's mouth was exquisite. It's withdrawal brought to Subaru a whole new understanding of the word bliss. Before long, he was thrusting enthusiastically in and out.

However, even as he thought he was about to burst from the intensity of it all, Seishirou suddenly pulled away. "Why?" he questioned, when he managed to regain his voice.

Seishirou slid back up to face him. "Aren't you being selfish, Subaru-kun? Thinking only of your own pleasure?" he replied ironically.

Subaru tossed his head, half from denial and half from frustration. "Take me, please. Do whatever you want... just don't leave me behind," he begged, all traces of pride cast away to the winds.

Seishirou bent down and kissed him gently on his lips. "Yes, I won't leave you behind," he said. "Though I think you might." This last was said in such a faint whisper that Subaru wasn't even sure he heard it.

Seishirou's weight on the bed shifted and Subaru turned to see him remove a tube from a side table and squeeze some of its contents to his hand. "Open your legs wide for me," Seishirou breathed the instruction into his ear on his return beside him.

Subaru did as he was told and a cool finger pushed into him. He tensed, then tried to relax, holding himself still. Seishirou nodded approvingly at him, and took his time at working his finger around. Just when Subaru thought he was adjusting to the new experience, Seishirou began to thrust a second finger in.

"I'm not doing this to hurt you," Seishirou pointed out dryly at Subaru's soft groan.

"I know," he said, nodding back. He did know that Seishirou wasn't deliberately hurting him, but he was doing it anyway. Subaru reflected that it just perfectly characterized their relationship.

A third finger was soon introduced, and Subaru wondered just when it would end. The discomfort was lessening and in fact he was beginning to get into it. Seishirou's fingers were massaging something inside him that sent delicious tingles though his body.

"More?"

"Definitely more," Subaru replied. He considered Seishirou's question academic, for he couldn't have found a reason to give any other response, even if his life depended on it.

The fingers departed and Seishirou placed himself against Subaru's entrance. He pushed sharply up with a sudden thrust, entering him.

Seishirou's movement hurt far more than Subaru was willing to admit. His sudden intake of breath prompted Seishirou to stop and stroke at his hair. "It's too late for regrets now," Seishirou informed him. He held still, waiting for Subaru's response.

"I don't regret," Subaru managed to force his answer out through clenched lips. He brought his legs higher around Seishirou in a bid to get more comfortable. It wasn't as bad as he had been afraid of, for Seishirou had taken the effort to prepare him. His gesture appeared to signal some sort of readiness to Seishirou who began to move slowly into him. Each thrust reached deeper in, to a place that Subaru thought no one would ever have the right to be. It was far more intimate than anything he had ever encountered.

However, it wasn't something he found entirely unpleasant. Subaru found himself heaving a sigh of satisfaction at the culmination of his anticipation. Seishirou was inside him. This was what he had spent all this time wanting. It was difficult to compare this experience to his expectations, which had been of a more academic nature. This was different. Slick skin sliding against his similarly perspiring skin, hot lips pressed against his, tongue thrusting in the same gesture of invasion to what was happening below-- Subaru's senses were overwhelmed.

Subaru forced his eyes open to look at Seishirou. He wanted to see something, anything within his gaze, of how he was affecting the supposedly emotionless Sakurazukamori. And he was rewarded. Seishirou's expression was one of grim satisfaction.

"Were you expecting something different?" Seishirou asked when Subaru flinched away. He never ceased his movements, instead speeding up.

Subaru knew Seishirou had seen right through his intentions. He finally understood. This was just sex to Seishirou. He might have wept from despair if his body wasn't being forced to react otherwise. A wave of pleasure was spreading out from his groin, where Seishirou's penis was stroking in and out so skillfully. He groaned his reply, lightheaded from the new sensation.

"What do you want now?"

The question filtered into Subaru's consciousness. He was unaccountably annoyed that Seishirou's tone retained every measure of still being in control. He tried to swallow the delighted moan that was threatening to break from his lips and managed only to replace it with a helpless whimper. "Wha--what I'd want... I don't know," he finally replied.

"You lie," Seishirou said and thrust hard into him, before withdrawing leisurely.

Subaru bit his lip to regain some control. "Does it matter what I want?" he asked, breathing harshly.

"It is always about what you want," Seishirou said dryly. "No one can force you to do something you truly do not want, least of all me. You can tell me to stop now and I will. You can walk away from me now and I would let you. But you won't, would you? " He rocked gently into Subaru, in counterpoint with his words.

Subaru was unable to stop himself from releasing that delighted moan now. He nodded wordlessly, admitting Seishirou's truth. What he wanted was more of what Seishirou was giving him, even if he knew it was just that, a physical act to satisfy his body. He squirmed against him, seeking to attain that something just out of reach, to arrive at a place that only Seishirou could bring him.

Seishirou must have seen the total surrender in his eyes for he began thrusting fiercely in and out, gifting him with the movement that Subaru was beginning to learn to crave. With every stroke, the tip of his rigid hardness rubbed against the firm muscles of Seishirou's abdomen, sending him spiraling further into a world of sexual awareness.

There was no further need for conversation. Subaru gave himself up to it, this awesome act that allowed him to release all his inhibitions. Those same inhibitions that had kept him repressed all his life. He arched against every one of Seishirou's thrusts, learning the rhythm of this wild dance with relish. His hands caressed Seishirou's back, pressing him closer, fingernails digging into his shoulders, unabashedly demanding without words that Seishirou give him his ultimate satisfaction.

Seishirou appeared untroubled by his partner's assertiveness. In the dim recesses of his mind, Subaru registered that Seishirou's face displayed an intensity of concentration, together with something else on his expression that confused him. It wasn't enough to jolt him from his sexual haze. All that existed for him now was reaching his orgasm, nothing else mattered.

Carried away on the crest of his pleasure, Subaru gasped, "We should have done this long ago." Indeed he didn't know why Seishirou had held himself back during their time together, save that perhaps if he had made the overture, the young Sumeragi might have promptly fainted on him. Subaru idly reflected that he had been very naive.

Seishirou's amused laugh burst upon his awareness but Subaru tossed his head, uncaring. He didn't know how Seishirou was keeping his composure but an intense desire rose in him to shatter it. Brow furrowed in concentration, he sought to stop himself from falling over the edge, wanting to see Seishirou come first. But his teenaged body had other ideas. It was a race he was destined to lose, just as he lost all other games that he played with the Sakurazukamori. Seishirou's unceasing movement, pressing so deep inside him, forced him to capitulate.

And surrender he did.

With a helpless cry, he fell from his precipice, surrendering fully to the typhoon of sensation that overwhelmed him. Barely breathing, his muscles taut, he expended himself and collapsed back on the bed.

Subaru barely noticed that Seishirou was still working himself in and out of him but eventually he regained enough of himself to peel open his eyes. The sight that greeted him was enough to take his breath away. So this was what Seishirou looked like when he was lost in his own need. Subaru shifted back up and held him, allowing himself this one moment of tenderness, knowing it made no difference to Seishirou who had his eyes squeezed shut.

One final thrust and Seishirou stopped, deep inside him. With an almost grateful exhalation of breath, he released his control and marked Subaru with yet another aspect of his possession. Subaru knew that in this one moment the Sakurazukamori was vulnerable but he was helpless to act on it. All he did was hold Seishirou, sinking his head into the curve of his neck while Seishirou rested over him.

"This doesn't change anything. I still feel nothing for you." Seishirou's dry voice broke the silence that had fallen between them.

Subaru couldn't stop his eyes from blurring. A single tear fell from his lashes. "This changes nothing," he repeated. "But it doesn't matter. I will still remain with you."

Seishirou bent down and kissed the droplet away. "As you wish, Subaru-kun."


End file.
